I am Mommy, hear me ROAR! (Dateline March 2005)

For those of you who have kids, do you remember the first time you actually felt like a mom (or dad)? I think the first time for me was during our second adoption trip to China to adopt daughter #2. Annelise, daughter #1, was about 2.5 yrs old then (and the cutest kid on the face of the earth. I have numerous pictures of strangers coming up to us and asking to have their picture taken with her.)

It was just after receiving daughter #2 (known the world over for her famous Gale Force 20 screaming). Alexandra (15 months and 15 pounds) was extremely angry about being whisked away from her foster mom and being given to a whole new set of parents. (In fact, she spent the first four months at home screaming at the top of her lungs whenever I approached her, or God forbid, touched her.)

In order to save my sanity, and to prevent myself from running down the street to the local civil affairs office and trading her in for a quieter model, I gave her lollipops. It took me about a day to figure out that lollipops meant her mouth was too busy to scream. I must have single handedly driven up the price of lollipops at the hotel kiosk, due to an unforeseen run on their inventory. (Just an aside - Alexandra has been daddy’s girl from day one, and still is. Mommy comes in a close second because I have a bag of old makeup she is allowed to use. Can you say “fire engine red” lipstick?)

Funny how being a parent can sometimes completely change your personality. I would have thought that 16 years in the military would have toughened up me up to deal with anything . Not so, it turns out. Inside my touch cookie exterior is a melted chocolate chip. Make that two….twelve….ok, ok, a whole bag.

During that adoption trip, Annelise became friends with two daughters of another family in our travel group. One afternoon, after several hours of playing, the sisters tired of Annelise’s company and went to a separate room and locked her out. Annelise took one look at that door and out of her mouth came the most heart piercing cry I have ever heard. It was at that moment I learned what a broken heart was, because mine shattered into a million pieces. I just wanted to hold her and wail right along with her. The intensity of her pain was so vivid that I would have happily moved a mountain if it meant taking away her pain. Being 2 ½ yrs old, the moment didn’t last long for her, but for me it lasted an eternity.

I suppose most parents have memories like this stuffed away in the dusty attic of their mind; memories that come to the surface during quiet times(you know - when you have your kid’s mouths stuffed so full of McDonald’s French fries they can’t argue with you).

I rediscovered the mommy lion inside of me just recently while dealing with school issues concerning my son Luc (“Luke” for those English speakers out there).

Luc is son #3, adopted from Taiwan last year. Luc also happens to have spastic Cerebral Palsy . He’s the kid who needs a lot of help throughout the day just to do the things that most of us take for granted. But Luc is an angel on earth. You couldn’t ask for a nicer child - sweet tempered, loving, great sense of humor and, even after 5 years of benign neglect, probably the smartest of my kids.

Because of his CP, Luc will need an aid to attend Kindergarten. Ok, how many parents out there can spell “IEP”? Fun, isn’t it? When I was growing up (ice age, dinosaurs, the earth was young) I’d never heard of an “IEP” or Special Ed. Main streaming was something you did when you tried to get on and off the beltway.

However, in the land of “Mommies of special kids” you live and die by the IEP. In order to get an aid, Luc needs to attend the local school district. However, due to geographic anomalies, (and personal preference on my part) my other children go to a totally different school district. Now, instead of six kids at the same school, it appeared that my son with the greatest need was being relegated to the local community school due to funding issues (you want an aide – the money comes from the school district you live in).

How many of you have felt your lion stirring? You know - the lion that lays dormant inside of you until someone messes with your kids. You know – the mommy lion that can be so fierce that even the noisiest kid in the house stares in awe at your raw power?

Well, the lion stirred at my house this week. It got poked by too many unreturned phone calls, jabbed by the indifference of the school system to my son’s needs, and hammered by the politics of school funding. The lion got out of bed this morning ready to chew up and spit out anyone and anything that got in the way of my child getting the help he needed at the best school possible for him.

After dropping the kids off this morning, the lion got a cup of coffee and started making phone calls. The battle plans were drawn, the guns wereloaded and the lion was waiting. The battle flag was flying and I could here “Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead!” in the background!!

Until I read my e-mail. And there it was. An e-mail from the lady who was #1 on my Mommy Lion hit list. The e-mail said that things were working out to our favor and my son would be attending the school of our choice for Kindergarten, with the necessary aid.

Ever see a lion deflate? Sort of like air going out of a hot air balloon. Lucky for me the office was empty this morning while I quietly deflated in my chair…

The lion returned back to its cave for a nap (and dreams of chocolate chips, no doubt).

I transformed back to whatever it is I’m supposed to be in my non-mommy moments.

But first I asked God’s forgiveness for having so little faith. You would think I’d know by now that when you are doing God’s work, you don’t have to worry about the stones in your path. You just have to keep walking.

Love from Buckley,
Where the lions are fierce, the kids are in awe, and I keep putting one foot in front of another