Ring. Ring. Ring. RING. RING!!! Marine Corps anthem in background….da dah de da dah de da daaaahhh..…
“I’m not home. Leave a message. If you’re not a Marine, associated with a Marine, or a Squid – hang up now and save yourself the trouble."
Beep.
“Mary, this is your mother.”
“Hi Mom”
“Thought you weren’t home…”
“The kids are taking a bath, Dave is burning dinner, the cats are puking up hairballs and the news is on…took me a minute to figure out the ringing wasn’t in my head…”
“So, how are the kids?”
"Good”
“How is Dave?”
“Good.”
“You never visit…when are you coming to visit?”
“Mom, you live in Florida…”
“When you come down we can go to the beach…the kids would like the beach”
“Ok.”
“Are you still skinny?”
“Skinny as any almost 50 year old has a right to be.”
“You know, you should really think about getting a hysterectomy…you would feel better.”
“Mom, the kids are adopted…”
"I know, but you won’t believer the difference…when the kids come to visit, give them name tags…how do you keep them straight?”
“I don’t…I gave them numbers.”
“Numbers? Are you still drinking?”
"Only in my dreams…”
“Speaking of that, have you spoken to your sister recently….Cathy is getting a hysterectomy. All my friends have had hysterectomies and everyone feels soooo much better. It will do wonders for your outlook.“
"What’s wrong with my outlook”
“I’m just saying….so when are you coming to visit?”
“As soon as I get my prescription refilled…”
“Are you still skinny?”
“I love you too mom, but the bathroom is flooding and I just saw two cats float by belly up…gotta run…”
“Ok, dear….don’t forget the hysterectomy! I love you! Are you still skin…” Click.
Aren’t moms fun? Mine lives in Florida. Eat your heart out.
As always,
Love from Buckley
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