Ketchup – the miracle food. (Dateline January 2005)

Do your kids have a favorite food? I mean, one that they just can’t live without? Mine do. For Tanner (home from Taiwan about 10 months) that food is pepper. He puts pepper on just about everything, including his breakfast cereal if I'd let him. But the rest of the household (those under four feet tall) are dangerously addicted to ketchup.

I remember when I was young (you know, dinosaurs roaming the earth and dirt was new) and my dad’s relatives visited us from Florida. Up until then I thought Ketchup was for hamburgers and French fries. Seems in some places in the Deep South they put ketchup on eggs. (Don’t get me started…) In fact, they called those who put ketchup on hamburger “uncouth”. (A Southern euphemism for “Have you been chewing paint chips again?)

Now that I’m all grown up and older than dirt, my kids have shown me a new use for ketchup. Ketchup goes with everything. They’d eveneat it on chicken if I let them. Here’s a typical scenario at my dinner table.

The menu consists of hamburgers, French fries and peas. (An aside - I hate peas. They are green, round, yucky, smushy, and gross. They are also my husband’s idea of health food. The funny thing is my kids will sit down and eat a whole pot of peas at one sitting…somehow the word “uncouth” comes to mind)

Anyway, once all the kids are seated and the peas are rolling around their plates (all except Tanners who won’t willingly eat anything green) the calls for ketchup start rolling in.

“Pass the ketchup, please.”
"Simone’s using it all!”
“Mom…”
"Alexandra put her arm in it!”
“Someone gave Lilly (the cat) French fries with ketchup”
“Can I have the ketchup please?”
“MOM…”
“Simone is still using it all!”
“Tanner put in on his potatoes.”
“Annelise is eating it with a spoon!!”
“MOM!!”
“Pass the DAMN ketchup!” (me)
“Sorry mom, there isn’t any more…”

I’ve got them fooled, you know. I keep an extra bottle (an overly large, family size, two gallon plastic jug) under the sink next to the garbage bags. How else do you think I get them to behave? They behave or they don’t get any. Works wonders. You’ve never seen so many well manneredchildren in your life when I mention my stash!

Hey, it works… Just one more parenting idea from someone who knows.

Ketchup…don’t leave home without it. (Brought to you by “Prairie Home Companion" and their Ketchup League series of Life’s Little Moments.)