What it’s really like to have 6 kids… (Dateline February 2005)

So, how many of you have kids at home? Raise your hands?

Ok, how many of you have more than three kids at home? Keep your hands up…

Ok, how many of you have more than five kids at home? That many? (We have to talk…stick around after this essay and let’s do wine!)

When I was growing up (you know, dinosaurs, Jesus as a kid, new dirt) I was one of four kids. I was the 2nd child, but the first daughter. We were nicely spaced, about two years apart, and looked nothing alike. However, this didn’t keep my mom from being confused as to who she was yelling at… Life in our house went something like this:

Mom: “Carol! Leave your sister alone!”
Carol: “It’s not me! It’s Cathy!!”
Mom: “Cathy, leave your sister alone!”
Cathy: “It’s not me, it’s Mary”
Mom: “Mary, LEAVE YOUR SISTER ALONE!”
Me: (I’m not even home).

When things really got going and my mom really got excited it went something like this:

“MaryCarolCathyEdward!!!! Where the HELL is the ________ (insert four letter adverb followed by a noun).” This usually occurred when she was staring right at you and the rest of the gang was nowhere within a five mile radius.

I never understood why she couldn’t keep our names straight until I became a mom. Now that the kids are a little older, it is becoming difficult to tell who is who, especially from behind. Two of my daughters (Annelise and Simone) look almost exactly alike from behind. It doesn’t help that Simone is two years younger, she wears the same size as her older sisters and their hair is the same length. I catch myself calling Simone by Annelise’s name and vice versa. I have even run down the list of names when talking to my son (usually when I get excited about something).

“Nicholas!”
“I’m not Nicholas”
“Luc!!”
“I’m not Luc!”
“I don’t care who you are! Stop doing whatever I don’t want you to be doing, right this minute!”

Sound familiar? Well, I have found a solution to this problem. (For further information, have your credit cards handy and call 1-800…)

Numbers. No, not your number. My kids have numbers.

Each child gets a different number, depending on when they first joined the family. Annelise is #1, Alexandra is #2, and so on down the line. So instead of yelling out “AnneliseAlexandraSimoneNicholasTannerLuc!! I just yell out “#1! Put this away! #2! pick up the trash on the floor! #3! Turn off the TV, it’s time for dinner!

Hey, saves time, embarrassment (mine) and I no longer have to remember who I’m talking to! (A great memory saver for those of us who are “older” parents!) My next trick is to get them all football jerseys, with their numbers stenciled on the front and back.

Wonder if it would work with cats …..